


Loss

by Skyedestiny



Category: Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Mentions of Death, basically it's all really bleak for the most part, spoilers for TASM 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 06:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10156226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyedestiny/pseuds/Skyedestiny
Summary: He knows she’s gone.  As he stares over her, he knows it.  And yet, he acts as if her destiny is still hanging by a thread, as if the fates have not yet made up their mind about her, have her spirit by the hand and are ready to pull her away but are willing to be swayed otherwise.  As if she still has a chance if only he can prove that Gwen needs to remain here.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [Originally posted on May 27, 2014.]
> 
> Simply put, these are the moments that take place immediately after Gwen's death. This is the aftermath.

He knows she’s gone.

As he stares over her, he knows it.

And yet, he acts as if her destiny is still hanging by a thread, as if the fates have not yet made up their mind about her, have her spirit by the hand and are ready to pull her away but are willing to be swayed otherwise. As if she still has a chance if only he can prove that Gwen needs to remain here.

All he can manage to say, in the end, is “Please”. All he can do is beg. He thinks of so much more - of saying ‘I’ll be lost without you’, of saying 'I don’t know what to do if you’re not here’, of saying a million things besides the basic plea.

None of this makes it through his lips and to this day some part of him still blames himself for this - still feels that if only he could have said more, brought at least some of those feelings to the surface in the form of words, he could have saved her.

In the end, she couldn’t be saved.

It’s not really something he’ll ever accept.

It’s not one of those things that you experience but then think back on and say, “You know what? If given the chance, I’d do it all again exactly the same” about. He wouldn’t do it all again the same. He would try, if possible, in however manner he could to think of some other way, _any_ other way…

But where they lay in the clock tower…

He doesn’t know where to go. He doesn’t know what to do. He holds her and begs her to tell him something, anything. Just one whisper more. Just something to tell him how to go on now.

Where does he go? He can’t move the body. You’re not supposed to-

He’s shaking and his face is red and wet from tears and sweat from misery and worry and- How can he do anything here? He looks up. Up to the top of the clock tower, the mess of gears.

It’s silly to look there for answers. The only person up there wouldn’t want to help. Wouldn’t care to. Wanted this exact result, actually. It’s a fact that shoots another jolt of pain through his chest. His eyes clench shut as if on instinct and his mouth opens to let out a cry but nothing breaks the surface. He buries his face in her hair, against her cheek.

What am I supposed to do now?

He had to get them out of there. Had to get them somewhere safe. Where they could both be…taken care of.

He’s not sure how he does it, but he manages to get his mask back on. He webs his fallen former friend to his back, holds Gwen in his arm. He secures her to him and swings off to the police precinct.

Naturally as soon as he gets there, people are stunned and launch into a flurry of questions. He can’t answer. He lays Gwen gently down on a table, hands Harry over to a waiting officer.

And then he collapses on the floor.

Cries of, “Oh my god, it’s Gwen Stacy! She’s dead!” come in echoes for him. Distorted like hearing things beneath the surface of the water.

“Is that _Harry Osborn_?”

They’re not asking him.

He can’t answer.

He is encased in…something. Some barrier that separates him from the rest of the world. He can’t see. He can’t hear. He doesn’t even register where he is anymore.

Only one question repeats in his head:

What am I supposed to do now?

Once Gwen’s funeral comes around, the answer seems obvious. He goes to her grave. And he goes to her grave. And he goes to her grave. And he goes to her grave.

Spider-Man disappears.

So does Peter, in a way.

The Bugle begins reporting about a possible conspiracy carried out by Spider-Man to, for some reason, eliminate the Stacys. What with the death of Police Captain George Stacy a year prior and Gwen’s death now and Spider-Man being present at both of them.

The only witness to vouch for Spider-Man’s innocence is one Doctor Curt Connors. But no one will listen to him, of course.

(The Stacys themselves believe the paper.)

The police, though, rally in his defense.

If the barrier that separated Peter from the world had been just a bit thinner, he would have heard the conversation between a cop and his friend. One saying the paper seems to be onto something.

The other: “The Bugle didn’t see what we did, Bill. That wasn’t a murderer. He was devastated by that loss. _Both_ of the losses. He’s not a killer.”

But it isn’t.

So he doesn’t.

He just visits her grave.

One day, May fans the fog away for a second with a talk. And it gives him enough time to see the flash drive.

The flash drive with Gwen’s speech from graduation.

When he listens to it, a light is raised in the fog.

The fog never clears, not entirely.

But the light

it helps him see. It helps him feel. It helps him return to life, for the most part.

It’s only a fraction of how bright Gwen was in life.

But it works.

It helps that it’s in the distance, guiding him along, like a carrot dangling over a horse’s head.

He can never reach it, but that doesn’t mean he’ll ever stop trying.


End file.
